Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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