he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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