...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
