is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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