I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
