Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
