Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
