also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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