nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
