My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
