he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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