If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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