I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
