I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
