arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
