That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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