How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
