Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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