I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
