i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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