Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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