I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
