I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
