apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
