we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize