she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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