i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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