New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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