He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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