tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
