I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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