So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
