my mouth tastes like poor choices
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she peed on how many people?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
