we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
