you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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