he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
