Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize