We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
