I just saw a hot homeless man
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
