just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
