Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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