Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
