Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
