It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
