He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
