Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
