i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
