Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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