I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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