tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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