dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I could make wine with my vomit
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
