just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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