why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
