I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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