Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize