he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
