think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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