she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
