when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Even my vagina gasped.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
