I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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