For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
