hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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