Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
