Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
