did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize