So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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