is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
