the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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