Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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