Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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