i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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