You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize