They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
