Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Two words: nipple clamps
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