I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
