Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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